Monthly Archives: July 2011

“WHO TO TALK TO! WAT TO DO! HOW TO STOP thiss!!!!”

I was on my way from the bus station to my house in maarad street, and i was back from a long training day at 8pm! i was walking on the side walk and i heard the voice of a motorcycle coming near by, i got scared but i didnt picture it might actually happen but it did! he touched me! he actually w bkel wa2aha puts his hand on my ass!

and at zat minute my head spinned! i couldnt believe wat was happening and i started screaming and crying like a mad person!! he ran away!

1- why the hell arent there any lights on the streett!!!

2- why the hell arent there any policemen to protect us at night!

3- why the hell cant i just go home peacefully after a long day of work!!

4- why the hell Motorcycles are allowed to drive on the side walk!

5- why motorcycles arent bannedd!! IT IS A MUST! BAN MOTORCYCLES!

6- WHO THE HELL DOES THIS ANIMAL THINKS HE IS TO TOUCH ME!

7- why nothing is being done about this! why can they just go unpunished! WHO TO TALK TO! WAT TO DO! HOW TO STOP thiss!!!!

Submitted by Sara.A

Location: Maarad

Time of harassment:  20-2: Night / الليل

Do you have a personal experience with sexual harassment or assault you would like to share? Please click here and fill out the online submission form. All submissions are posted anonymously unless you specify.

هل لديك تجربة شخصية مع التحرش الجنسي أو الاعتداء تريد مشاركته ؟ الرجاء الضغط هنا وملء استمارة التقديم على الانترنت. وتنشر جميع التقارير مجهول ما لم تحدده

“Since when is a violent threat a segway into sex?”

It all started in the early morning once we left an after party. My girl friend met a guy that took us out with his friend to dance until sunrise. My friend was quite drunk and got into a ‘playful’ face-slapping ‘game’ with her date’s friend. A few minutes after this ‘game’ ended, he gave her another slap, a bit harder. I reacted.

With poor judgment, I slapped him right back across the face and told him never to touch her in the face again. He was aghast. Angry and defensive, he refused to apologize and excused his behavior as a joke. I eventually apologized for the act of slapping him (as I am a proponent of non-violence except in defense), but continued to explain why this is an unacceptable act- slapping anyone in the face- whether you’re kidding or not.

He proceeded to call me a bitch and threaten me about getting slapped in return.

A few weeks later, this guy happens to arrive at the bar I’m in. He greets some people, and proceeds to me. He has a smirk on his face and he greets me with: “Oh, the feminist.” After almost a month has transpired, his ego is still shrunken from our incident.

He tells me I’m going to get slapped and is very confident and proud of his threat. He then tries to converse with me, and actually chats with my friend. She denounces his threats and inquires whether he is serious. Does he really plan to slap me? He laughs. He tells us both that he is not “angry.” Not angry at all.

Instead, he is attracted to me and, when he says he will slap me, he means in bed. He wants to ‘hurt’ me. He wants to ‘teach’ me.

This happened a few weeks ago and I am still aghast at the intersection of sex, violence, power and patriarchy as they developed in this situation. Since when is a violent threat a segway into sex? How is it that this man found it was appropriate to, essentially, threaten me with rape? And publicly no less!

It’s because sex, in this case and in many, is not about pleasure. Rather, in these cases, it is about power and dominance. Although the situation did not begin with conventional forms of sexual harassment as we often define it, our second encounter commenced in sexual harassment and the threat of sexual assault.

The juncture of eroticism and violence is truly, deeply disturbing. And all from a man who swears he marched along with us during the anti-violence demo in June. From a man who ‘believes’ women should have equal rights. A man who considers himself progressive. A man who finds these values and attributes completely in line with his threat of sexual violence.

Submitted by ART

Location: Hamra & Karantina

Time of harassment:  2-6: Late Night / ما بعد منتصف الليل

Do you have a personal experience with sexual harassment or assault you would like to share? Please click here and fill out the online submission form. All submissions are posted anonymously unless you specify.

هل لديك تجربة شخصية مع التحرش الجنسي أو الاعتداء تريد مشاركته ؟ الرجاء الضغط هنا وملء استمارة التقديم على الانترنت. وتنشر جميع التقارير مجهول ما لم تحدده

تجربتي مع التحرش الجنسي

اول مرة كنت بعدني صغيرة. كان عمري تقريبا 10 او 11 سنة. كنت بالسوق انا وماما ولاحظت انو فيه زلمي واقف خلفي ويحاول لمس مؤخرتي، ومع انو ماما كانت واقفة حدي، بس ما جربت احكي لها شي،  حسيت انو فيه شي خطأ بس ما كنت عارفة شو عم يصير. كلما كنت اتحرك، كان يتحرك معي ويجرب يلمسني. لما رجعنا عالبيت ما خبرت ماما، رحت خبرت بنت عمي، ولما عرفت امي لامتني لاني ما خبرتها.

المرة التانية اللي بذكر اني تعرضت فيها للتحرش،  كان في بيت عمي. كنت قاعدة عم اقرأ قصة وكان عمري تقريبا 13 سنة. دخل ابن عمي وكان شاب باوائل العشرينات للغرفة ووقف فوقي وصار يحاول يمررّ ايدو على صدري، وهو عامل حاله عم يفلفش بوراق القصة

هدول الحادثتين ولو انهم ما كانوا مهمين كتير مقارنة باللي بيصير مع بنات،غيري،  الا انهم اثروا فيني كتير لناحية اني ما بتحمل حدا يقرب مني سواء كان صبي او بنت .. وما بحس بالأمان اذا حدا وقف ورايي اكتر شيما بتحمل حدا يلمسني حتى من أهلي ولو على سبيل المزاح

المرة الاخيرة اللي تعرضت فيها لتحرش جنسي لفظي كانت من اشهر. كنت راجعة من الجامعة وكنت متضايقة ومبين على وجهيي اني متضايقة فوقفت تاكسي لحتى يوصلني .. قام طلع لي واحد وسخ وبلا اخلاق. من لما طلعت معاه بالسيارة ولاحظت كيف انو عم يطلع فيني خفت وتضايقت ولعنت الساعة اللي طلعت فيها معاه...صار يطلع عالمراية ويحكيني حكي فيه مدلولات جنسية
ساعة يقول لي من وين انتي وليش كل اهل منطقتك هيك حلوين؟! وساعة يقول لي معقول بعدك ما تجوزتي؟!
وانتي حلوة كتير وبتخلي الواحد يسخن( ييصير ساخن). هذا كله وملابسي محتشمة فأنا محجبة
المهم بلا طولة سيرة .. صرنا بنص الطريق قام طلّع بنت تانية وبدو يوصلهالمحل ما بعرفو انا .. وقال لي ابقي معي لأوصلها وبرجع بوصلك.
انا خفت وطلبت منو ينزلني … انا نزلت من السيارة وندمت بعدها لاني حسيت انو رح يعمل للبنت التانية نفس اللي عملوا معي
الحقير كبير عمره تقريبا بال 50 ….بتذكر يومها شو صار فيني .. وصلت عالموقف وكنت عم إبكي بشكل هستيري وكان ضغط دمي مرتفع وعلى شوي كنت رح كرزّ ( يصير عندي كريزة)

رح خبركم قصة اخيرة .. رجل اربعيني متزوج ولديه 4 فتيات كان يحاول يتحرش فيني لفظياً .. كان يقعد يحكي لي انو هو محتاج للعاطفة الجنسية وانا كنت اهرب منو ويلحقني .. كان يبعت لي احيانا رسائل عالموبيل اني مثلا كنت مبينة كتير حلوة او رسائل غزل وانا كنت اطنشه.

بالحالات كلها ما قدرت ارد على اللي كان يحاول يضايقني ويحاول هتك خصوصيتي الجنسية
لكن عقبال ما نوصل لمجتمع بيحترم المرأة كإنسانة وما بيتعامل معها على اساس انها طريدة او هدف جنسي بس.

 

 

“What kind of image of women and relationships did you grow up looking at?”

I was at the pool swimming and some guy just came and grabbed my ass. WTF?!?!!! I told him to fuck off. HE started trying to follow my friend and I until we screamed at him.

We then figured that for the whole time he was talking to our mums, trying to make a ‘nice impression’. SO i ASK WHY?

I mean, you grab my ass and then act as if it is ok and go try to make good impressions on mums? What kind of twisted double standard thinking is that?

What kind of education based on what kind of taboos and wicked principles were you raised on? What kind of image of women and relationships did you grow up looking at?

Submitted by pinkchiwawa

Location: Jounieh

Time of harassment: 10-16: Daytime / عز النهار

Do you have a personal experience with sexual harassment or assault you would like to share? Please click here and fill out the online submission form. All submissions are posted anonymously unless you specify.

هل لديك تجربة شخصية مع التحرش الجنسي أو الاعتداء تريد مشاركته ؟ الرجاء الضغط هنا وملء استمارة التقديم على الانترنت. وتنشر جميع التقارير مجهول ما لم تحدده

 

ED note: for more on sexual harassment & the objectification of women through advertising, check this video out:

shout out to twitter handle @yarachehayed for the excellent work!

مسبح الرياضي: عنصريين ومتحرشين جنسيا

الحادثة التي سأقصّها عليكم حدثت في صيف عام ٢٠٠٩
لكن هذا لا يعني أنها لم تحدث على مدى العامين المنصرمين
وهنا يتمحور ندمي الشديد وحمرنتي المقمعة في عدم نشر هذه الحادثة سابقا

الحادثة تبدأ بزيارة صديقتي الإيرلندية “روزان” إلى لبنان آتية من بريطانيا
هذا بعدما كان قد طلع الشعر على لساني وأنا أحدثها عن لبنان
وجمال لبنان، وروعة لبنان، وطقس لبنان، وقرب الجبل من الشاطىء في لبنان، ولزة أهل لبنان،والأكل في لبنان

فإما شعرت روزان أن لا بد ولامهرب لها إلا زيارة هذا المكان،
أو ربما لتخرسني – في الحالتين
جاءت  وبحقيبتها أمال عالية – هاي هوبس أوروبية
فأمضينا أسبوع رائع بين البحر والجبل والنهر والسهل والسهر
حتى بانت علامات السعادة على وجهها
وفي اليوم السابع  توجهنا إلى مسبح الرياضي في بيروت

وهنا تبدأ القصة

تسبحنا، أكلنا ، تمددنا في الشمس وقرأنا
قالت لي روزان أنني كنت محقا عن لبنان وجماله. فرحت وسعدت
قالت لي أنها توّد تعلم الغطس في لبنان
قلت لها “إيزي” سأسأل عند المدخل إذا كان لديهم غطاس
وتوجهت مع وجهي إلى المدخل
وسألت الرجل الأسمر العجوز
فقال لي: نعم عنا أحلى وأشطر غطاس
قلت له: روعة
أعطاني كرت الغطاس: بسام بقيلي – إحفظوا الإسم جيدا
وعدت مغتبطا إلى روزان مع هدية غطس

كلّمت بسام تلقائيا، فقال لي أنه يمارس الغطس وتعليمه من ثلاثين سنة
إتفقنا على موعد لبدء الدروس


حضرت في الموعد المحدد بعد بضعة أيام برفقة روزان
كانت  هي تطير وتحط من الفرح والحماس
طمأنني بسام بقيلي وهو رجل في الأربعة وستين من عمره،  أن كل شيء سيكون على ما يرام،
وأن دورة الغطس ستستمر خمسة أيام وستحصل روزان على شهادة مصدقة من أميركا  في نهايتها
دفعت له 300 دولار وتركت روزان معه لتتعلم الغطس
شكرني  وطمأنني مرة أخرى  على الطريقة اللبنانية قائلا: مثل إبني إنت، من عيوني، روح ومايكنلك فكر

وذهبت

غطست روزان كل النهار
وفي العصر ذهبت لإحضارها لم أجدها، سألت عنها في المسبح قالوا لي أنها غادرت
إتصلت ببسام قال لي أنه غادر المسبح وروزان غادرت قبله
بدأ الخوف يعتريني، لكن سرعان ما بانت روزان أمامي بوجهها البشوش وبددت كل الخوف
بعدما كانت قد غطست وشاهدت الغروب مع فنجان قهوة في مقهى الروضة
لم أخبرها أنني ذعرت عليها، تركتها فرحة وبلعت غضبي
في اليوم الثاني عدنا إلى الرياضي، و
كما اليوم الأول تركت روزان لتغطس

وذهبت

عند الساعة الرابعة يدّق تلفوني، إنه بسام، روزان في مقهى الكوستا في الحمرا، قال لي
فشكرته
وحضرت إلى كوستا، روزان جالسة وحيدة
وجهها حزين، وعيونها تحبس دموعها
سألتها ما القصة؟ لم تجب
أعدت السؤال مرارا، لم تجب
سألتها لماذا لم تنتظرني في الرياضي، لم تجب

أهو بسام؟

تطلعت هي أرضا وتركت دموعها تروي بلاطات الرصيف
لم تقل شيئا، سكتت،
غمرتها غمرة طويلة
وتركت في أذنها بعضا من عبرات الحب
حتى هدأت قليلا وروت لي ما حصل

قبل أول غطسة صباحية كان بسام ودودا، وعد روزان بغطسة في البحر ورؤية أكواخ الروشة إذا ما تنفست صحيحا

المصدر: Thuraya and the Terrorist Donkey

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“7terim 7alak law samahet” and DON’T TOUCH ME

I’m a girl who usually never gets back home before 9-10 PM since I sometimes finish university that late, or I just decide to hang out with my friends in the afternoon. Every time I go back home by bus or by cab at a late hour (sometimes at 11) and never faced any kind of harassment (weird, right?)

By that day was different, it was DAYTIME, it was around 11-12 in the morning. I was going back home from my university early because I was sick and decided to skip few of my late classes. I sat in the bus, and then sat right next to me an old man, maybe in his 60’s. I started feeling his leg next to mine, I said it’s ok, he’s an old ‘fat’ man and the seats on the bus are very tiny. So I ignored it.

But then, the asshole placed his hand on my leg, OH NO, HE CROSSED THE RED LINE THIS TIME!! I was looking outside the window at that time, so I turned around, faced him, gave him a ‘chil idak ya ***’-look, and the son of a bitch looks at me and winks, l wa27ane ma 2ela 7doud bhal balad.

Toli3 Halib El-Nawar, but still I respected the people in the bus since there were many children and didn’t want them to hear their first curse word from me, so I just told him “hterim halak law samahet” but in a ‘if you don’t remove your hand, I’m gonna shove it up your ass mother fucker’-tone..

After hearing my words, he was shocked (ba3ed na2is, elo 3ein??). He grabbed his stuff and stopped the bus driver, and got down. It felt good, even tho I wanted to break his fingers, and trust me, I would have done that if he were a little younger than my grandfather!!

Submitted by Red Light

Location: Bus #2, Near Sodeco, Beirut

Time of harassment: 10-16: Daytime / عز النهار

Do you have a personal experience with sexual harassment or assault you would like to share? Please click here and fill out the online submission form. All submissions are posted anonymously unless you specify.

هل لديك تجربة شخصية مع التحرش الجنسي أو الاعتداء تريد مشاركته ؟ الرجاء الضغط هنا وملء استمارة التقديم على الانترنت. وتنشر جميع التقارير مجهول ما لم تحدده

My Dad’s friend molested me, and I was silent. But I REFUSE to be silent anymore!

I was almost 16. I needed help for my physics class since I was not understanding a basic concept. A friend of my dad volunteered, he is a physics teacher in some school. He sat next to me on the dining room table and started explaining whatever while my parents were sitting on the couch, not more then 10 meters further.

Some time later, I felt heat on my tights. At first, I was wondering what the hell was that. I think it was the shock, it took me some time to realize. I jumped and told him to fuck off and not to make me see his face. He was like: you are the age of my daughter, i only meant it in a friendly way! This is how I treat my daughter.

I just hope he did not really meant it, that it was a sentence he uttered to make me calm down! I made sure my parents did not notice a thing. It did not stop here: a few days later, he gave me a call: – “hi 3ammo, I wanna pass by for coffee” – “no, no one is home” -“i know, I want to see you” – “i don’t think so” A few min later, he starts knocking on the door. I lock it and tell him to stay away. I felt terrified and started crying.

I would try not to bump into him, but every time I did he kept on trying to talk to me, saying things like: “you look gorgeous”, or “nice new perfume”. It was gross!! He got his son one day and was like: look he is your age! So what if your son is my age!!??? really!!

Six weeks back, he came back with his son. He wanted to introduce me to him. As if I will ever consider even talking to someone related to him. And his actions, as if he was just some random person who can act normally around me drives me crazy! How does he even think it is appropriate to try and talk to me?

Every day, I regret that I did not talk. I heard the school complained about him. I can’t say this experience traumatized me, but I think how many girls did my silence affect? If he tried to touch me, he definitely tried to touch tons of other girls! What kills me is that my silence kept people in the dark about who he really is, people who helped him keep his job next to teenage girls.

My silence also allowed him to come back, and back, and back until now 12 years later. My silence allowed him to think it was ok. My silence allowed him to think that he can get away. My silence allowed him to think he can act normally around me. But that is not ok.

He must feel the wrong of his actions. And be stopped. And why did I not talk. Even at 16 I had a strong personality, I was comfortable with my body and knew that sexuality was ok, I knew that if someone touches me it is not because of me but him, I knew he was wrong and I have nothing to feel guilty about.

And I shut up! My mum felt something was wrong and asked me if he did something inappropriate. And I shut up! Truth is, when that happened, I was very much aware of issues of sexual harassment because my neighbor was touched by her brother’s friend, in her house too. I knew it was wrong, and I shut up!

If I did not talk, how to expect anyone to? And why did I not talk? It was about me not daring to challenge the system. Not daring to tell my parents something that will deeply hurt them. Especially in a conservative society that puts so much importance on so called ‘bodily integrity’.

To all the other girls: speak up because speaking up can change things. I have a friend who says that speaking about controversial issues is not a good idea because you can’t change the world. It can’t change the world but in the case of that 3ammo I could have changed a few things thing. I could have had him stop. And it would have made a difference to a lot of girls.

I could have challenge his feeling of invincibility. Men harass women because they can, full stop. So speak up! Most people, think they can protect their girls if they monitor the hours they go out at and who they are going with. This is not true. You protect girls when you talk about it, so speak up! all of you: mums, dads, grandfathers, grandmothers, brothers, sisters… and do not let it be a taboo.

Today I speak up on a daily basis. I do not shut up on controversial issues. I try to be there to every person I can. This can seem radical to some people. This can seem immature or idealist.

But I will tell you something: This is the right thing to do. Because you might not change the world but you change tiny parts. Or sometimes just shock. But even this shock makes some people think. And change attitude. And recognize the presence of other opinions. Sometimes it works and often not, but it is definitely worth it!

Submitted by pinkchiwawa

Location: at home, Beirut

Time of harassment: 16-20: Afternoon Rush Hour / العصر

Do you have a personal experience with sexual harassment or assault you would like to share? Please click here and fill out the online submission form. All submissions are posted anonymously unless you specify.

هل لديك تجربة شخصية مع التحرش الجنسي أو الاعتداء تريد مشاركته ؟ الرجاء الضغط هنا وملء استمارة التقديم على الانترنت. وتنشر جميع التقارير مجهول ما لم تحدده